I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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