No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
