My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
