so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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