I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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