Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
