Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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