You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
