I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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