If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
