U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
