The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
