I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
