Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
