i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
