Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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