Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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