guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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