I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
