I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
