i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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