you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
