Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
