she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize