i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
