As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
