Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
