Your mouth is God's brothel.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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