Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
