So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
