yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
