can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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