Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
