Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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