pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
