I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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