After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
