Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
