How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
