He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
