she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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