My first STD was from a foam party
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize