Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
did i just pee glitter
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
