I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
no, he came in my armpit
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
