So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
