He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
