my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
