peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
