Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
