I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
