you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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