I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
