happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
