When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize