ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
