Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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