I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
