I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
