I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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