it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
