Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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