this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
