my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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