If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
even my farts smell like vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
pray to the hookup gods
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
