You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
