You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
